How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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