Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
