Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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