and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
they need to just BURY HIM!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
