when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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