Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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