We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
