Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
