Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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