I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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