There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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