its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
