when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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