I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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