Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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