lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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