Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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