Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
