Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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