Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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