its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
