do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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