I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
