mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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