I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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