Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she smelled like a LAN party
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
