come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
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Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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