Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.

(301): View more from Maryland

but she's really nice

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest

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(602): View more from Arizona

I am full of burrito and curiosity

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(702): View more from Nevada

I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?

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(217): View more from Illinois

I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Are you texting me while pooping again?

(770): View more from Georgia

I'm also playing fetch with the dog

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