you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
