I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
