There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
