I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
