My underwear smells like fireworks.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
