he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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