why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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