Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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