oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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