I met the friendliest cop last night
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
God gave him joint rollers for hands
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
