you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
