my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize