it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
