first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
