Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
