..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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