I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
