i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
