i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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