i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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