dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
