I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
