Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
