Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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