When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I enjoy the company of your penis
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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