The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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