Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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