"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
