piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
