I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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