Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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