he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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