dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
