he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
