yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize