i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I smell stomach acid.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
