somebody snuck up and got me drunk
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
