I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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