hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
it's like iHOP with fire
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
