I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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