My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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