What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
