hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
