I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
