Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
