We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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