I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
