shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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