You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
