not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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