just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
