I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
