Where did you get a picture of my penis
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
