every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
