DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
