if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
