some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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