why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
