hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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