laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
