i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
