my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
