i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
