sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it hurts more in the daytime
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
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After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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