trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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