So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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