its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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